Even if you’re not a DJ you’ll soon see just how we can unknowingly attract bad relationships into our lives. In the DJ world it is not just in the music we play or how we treat others but our responses in the heat of the moment. This article touches on the side not often discussed but just as important. These are mistakes I have seen some of my dear friends make, including myself. By the end of this article you may be motivated to stop and think before you post your next status update.
Who is a Follower?
It can be fans, friends, family or even the people you work with on the daily. The people we attract into our lives are often based on how we respond emotionally. In this we are literally teaching people how to treat us. With the age of social media, we are opening up many more opportunities for people to learn some of the more intimate details of our lives. Keeping this in mind we start to realize how we often create the world we experience. Our reaction to a temporary feeling in the moment often unknowingly, can attract people that feel those emotions more often than not. Suddenly that person that could relate to your anger, or the person that agrees to your irrational rant, are both regularly angry and complaining about mundane things. In the moment you wanted to hear, “That really freaking sucks.” But what you got may have been more than you bargained for. Later realizing that you’ve become the victim of a scam artist or unhappy person that ended up bringing you down to their level. I’m here to tell you why this happens to good people and how to protect yourselves while gaining the right type of followers… being yourself.
What defines a bad follower?
This can be someone that is regularly negative and vocal about it, responds and acts unprofessional often, they may become irrational easily and even bully and manipulative others. An example where this can become dangerous is if you’ve vocalize your discomfort or unhappiness about an individual and they act out towards that person in “your name.” Other situations where this can look bad on you the artist is when an avid supporter offers to work alongside you and becomes unprofessional, or irrational and makes you look bad in the process. It doesn’t end there as a “bad follower” can actually start off seemingly positive and sweet but actually be scamming you along the way. Below I get more into that and some of the more innocent things people do that attract bad people.
1. They are Openly Vulnerable
It’s sounds obvious but we do it all of the time. It this super tricky balance professional DJs find themselves in. Being authenticity but not sharing “too much.” Fans and friends want to feel trusted and a part of the process but sometimes the things we share portray us a certain way. The more you open yourself up, and or become more “known on a larger scale” this becomes apparent quickly. You’re more harshly judged and people become more vocal about their opinions on you. It can start off with something simple and totally warranted like you’re expressing a bad experience you had with another professional. Someone might see this and reach out to you for more details. You may confide in them only for them to later use that information against you.
2. They Share too much off & online.
It would be lovely to think we could just “be ourselves” but when we share too much and we are still coping with those situations, we make ourselves an easy target for more of that behaviour. One example is if you share information that people are always ripping you off or you’re always being taken advantage of because of your kindness. These comments make you an easy target. For example someone that manipulates people out of their money may become a shoulder to cry on in those situations and as you begin to trust them you note the same thing happens to you again…
3. They become too trusting.
When we aren’t capable of doing wrong to others, we often can’t image how people can do that to one another. Like the manipulator that saw you as an easy target but treated you like a friend (groomed you) until they got what they wanted. Furthermore, we tend to trust without question. The idea for many is that “everyone has some good in them.” And usually want to “give people the benefit of the doubt.” The reality is, if someone is going to use you, they probably already know that you will want to believe the best in them. With blinding trust comes easy game.
4. They React instead of respond
Sometimes you feel you can handle anything that comes at you, but suddenly your boundaries are tested and you find yourself react in the moment. Suddenly you’ve given a temporary feeling power in the moment, giving another party leverage on the situation they’ve creative to upset you. In a world where social media is at your fingertips and your voice can be heard in moments, the urge to share and receive instant gratification is tempting. You must remember you could be attracting the wrong type of attention due to a temporary feeling.
5. They Don’t filter them self
You can absolutely be real and honest but we all need a filter. When we let our calm and strong self show through we have far more power. But our statements have weight, whether we like to believe it or not. It’s that first impression for some or lasting impression on others. Some people may see the idea of filtering oneself as “fake,” but we don’t air our dirty laundry at work, do we? We deal with that stuff at home so we can focus when we work. If and when we decide to bring up those situations it’s usually to notify the proper chain of command. Absolutely there will be times where anger will be a powerful tool in your life, thus moving you forward. But again you must give yourself time to filter through that anger to find your strength and plan of action before you respond.
Be prepared to modify your friend’s list and edit your privacy settings. We can’t always be worried about filtering negative people out and those repercussions. If you’re nothing to them, they won’t notice you’re gone nor care, right? If they do, chances are they were only there to cause more turmoil and upset you took away that power. Again this is not a good time to publicly state that you are “clearing out my friends list.” It might seem paranoid now but someone might see that as a sign you have bad choice in friends. You could be giving them a way in if you don’t know what to watch out for.
But Kilma, How do I filter myself?
There is a way to filter ones feelings while still maintaining authenticity and compassion. In my article, “Why Haters Are Your Motivators” I talk about a journaling technique that has served me and many others very well. You start off journaling privately as angry as your want. As you keep going that angry should turn into a more calm message. For example I could tell you that someone just screwed me out of $300 dollars when I am still really angry about it. In the moment it might sound like:
When you’re with your close friends and they know you and your soul and they know it’s just a moment feeling that’s one thing. But on Facebook, Twitter or even your personal blog, you’re opening yourself up to the wrong type of people. It’s not to say you can never be real or be angry but realize what people you may attract or deter. You are probably a super cool awesome, fantastic person wondering why you attract these jerks and now you know why they picked you. So let’s get into how to the next part.
How TO become more aware
Become curious. Don’t worry about hurting someone’s feelings by questioning a story or experience that may seem far-fetched. We need to do our research before jumping into these big business decisions or partnerships. As mentioned in The 4 Types of DJs not everything told to us is actually for our best interest. We need to take a look at the bigger picture. Often there are more than a few ways of going about something, which is why we are lucky enough to get to make those choices. So before you act, share or trust someone new don’t be afraid to ask lots of questions. You don’t have to become paranoid, but alert and open to the possibilities.
what if it’s too late and I shared something personal?
Learn to let go. It’s going to happen. We all do it, there are so many opportunities for us to do it and we will probably do it many more times but you can let go of the situation. People often confuse this “letting go” meaning as throwing caution to the wind but it’s not. It’s about letting go of the outcome of a situation. Understand anything under the sun you say, can and will most defiantly be used against you at some point. There is only so much you can do to protect yourself. Sometimes the best thing you can do is imagine the worst in your head, deal with that and let it go. If you’re not as emotionally attached or at least a bit more head strong about a situation, you’re far better off in dealing if things go south.
We are human, we make mistakes and we are always learning. But some of these mistakes are loud and attracting the wrong type of people and it’s time we acknowledge that so we can make a change for the better. When the only thing you have in common with someone is that you dislike the same person it’s just bad news bears. If you messages are clear, thought out and you are consistently it’s a whole new world. We must be vigilant and watch out for ourselves as there will absolutely be times where a few will try and take advantage only wanting to cause havoc, but if we understand what to look out for and what we are putting out there we have a better chance of avoiding it and attract the right type of people.
Now to end with some laughs in stuff not to post ever!
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